


how terrible, to love something Death can touch

by Rachaelizame



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, But I don’t ship it, Could be read as obikin, F/M, Platonic Soulmates, Qui-Gon Jinn/Tahl if you squint, Romantic Soulmates, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 15:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachaelizame/pseuds/Rachaelizame
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi has two soulmates. This is not uncommon, many people do. But not many Jedi have any soulmates whatsoever. As a young boy, Obi-Wan worries what this will do to his prospects of becoming one. He will soon find that’s the least of his worries.Repost of an old work.





	how terrible, to love something Death can touch

Obi-Wan Kenobi had two soulmates. This was not unusual by any means. Many people had two or three, even more. Often one was platonic and one romantic, though both could be platonic or both romantic.

The problem was that he was a Jedi youngling. Jedi weren't supposed to have soulmates, and oftentimes, the Force understood this, not giving soulmate markings to those who were meant to be Jedi.

This made twelve-soon-to-be-thirteen Obi-Wan nervous, or well, more nervous. He was already not a popular choice due to his temper and troubles with his emotions. The soulmate markings were another strike against him.

Jedi with soulmates had happened before, of course. He'd hardly be the first. But Jedi were expected to ignore their soulmates, and not get close to them. Many people doubted Obi-Wan’s ability to do so.

But he was determined. This was what he had wanted his whole life, but one of his two soulmates, the second one on his left wrist, first words had him worried.

Hi. You're a Jedi too? Pleased to meet you.

Being a Jedi was the path that would lead to him meeting his soulmate in the first place, but being a Jedi meant that he could never know his soulmate. He meditated often on why the Force would do that to him.

Soulmate marks were a blessing and a curse. They told you who your soulmate was, the best person for you. The first words they would ever say to you, so that you knew who they were. But they also wrote, in bold print, the last thing you would ever hear your soulmate say.

Obi-Wan liked to keep his wrists covered. Everyone knew he had soulmates, but they didn't all know what they said, because ever since the skin on his wrists had arranged for them to be legible, he'd covered them. All for the last words one of his soulmates would say to him.

I've loved you always, I always will.

That was… well, it was quite something. It could, of course, be nothing. An indicator his soulmate fell in love with him, but not he with them. But that didn't feel right.

He studiously dedicated himself to what a Jedi was supposed to be, hoping he could avoid the trap of falling in love.

-

When Master Qui-Gon brought him back to the Temple, Obi-Wan immediately put the bracelets that covered his soulmarks back on. Qui-Gon had already seen the words, but hopefully he could prevent anyone else from seeing them.

Qui-Gon tapped the bracelets lightly after they'd put Obi-Wan’s hair into a Padawan’s braid.

“What do you think of soulmarks?” He asked. Obi-Wan furrowed his brow.

“They are ultimately a distraction.” He finally said, Qui-Gon frowned at that answer.

“A very Jedi answer. But one surprising for one so young. Even Jedi younglings are curious sometimes. Emotions aren't the end-all, be-all of life, Obi-Wan.”

“But attachment leads to the dark side. Soulmates can mean nothing but attachment.”

“Yes, many here would say that.” Obi-Wan wasn't brave enough yet to ask if Qui-Gon disagreed with that assessment.

“What do you think it means, Master?”

“I don't know.” The truth was, Qui-Gon had a fear he knew what those particular soulmarks meant. He felt that Obi-Wan agreed with that assessment. Obi-Wan was going to die young.

You should not have come back.

And

I've loved you always, I always will.

Those were not words you said to someone who died of old age or natural causes. Qui-Gon didn't know what would happen to his young Padawan, but he feared finding out.

-

When Obi-Wan was preparing to meet the Duchess of Mandalore, he wasn't sure what to expect. When he saw a beautiful and clearly independent young woman about his own age, he was surprised, but not unduly so.

He remained untouched as she spoke the words on his wrist.

“And who are you?” They were common enough words to him, having been frequently said to him ever since he had become Qui-Gon’s Padawan. At first, they had startled him every time, but by now he barely reacted.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, my lady.” But she did. Satine’s eyes flew wide and she looked at him with a new expression on her face. Obi-Wan stiffened as he realized what that meant. This was his soulmate.

Qui-Gon glanced between the two teenagers, knowing something was up and having a good idea what it was.

“Duchess, we must discuss security arrangements for our stay in the palace.” He said. He wasn't usually one to cut to the chase quite this abruptly but this was something he should nip in the bud. He knew better about soulmates now, after everything that had happened with Tahl. He knew better than to let his Padawan get attached.

-

“Jedi don't have soulmates.”

Those words were the first thing Obi-Wan said to Satine when they had finally gotten alone. Satine wanted to talk about what this meant for them, but she felt her heart crack open a bit at his words.

She didn't love him yet. Of course not, she'd only just met him. But the idea that her soulmate, the man who was meant to be just for her was rejecting her stung quite a bit.

“I see.” Satine managed. “Don't, or can't?”

“Usually both.” Obi-Wan said, looking pained. “Sometimes just can't.”

And with that, Satine knew. This boy was her soulmate, but he was going to reject that in favor of his Jedi ideals. She couldn't fight him on this, not now, not when her heart was still stinging, so she simply turned on her heel and marched out of the room.

-

Obi-Wan felt terrible. This girl was his soulmate and he could do nothing to help her. He had hoped his soulmate would be another Jedi, who would understand, not someone from outside the Temple who wasn't raised with the knowledge that they could never be. Someone who'd likely been dreaming about her soulmate for years.

He wondered what she thought of him. Probably that he was a heartless jerk. Understandable, under the circumstances.

He didn't know how he could make this better, but he wanted to. He wanted at least to not be hostile with her until this mission was over, though he knew better than to become friends with her. That could only lead to doom.

-

So apparently, he didn't know any better.

-

It ached to leave her. But they'd agreed it was for the best. Both of them had their duties, her to Mandalore and him to the Jedi. Their’s really was never meant to be.

He stood beside her on the ship, longing to touch her one last time. He watched her bright eyes as he prepared to leave, her hair falling as if in a painting, and making her look so very beautiful.

He leaned closer to her, staring at her mouth and contemplating. What harm would one last kiss do?

Just as he was leaning down to kiss her, he felt Qui-Gon’s Force presence and he jumped backward, and resumed his packing.

Satine made herself look casual as well. She'd learned to trust Obi-Wan’s senses when it came to people being near.

Sure enough, in came Qui-Gon, watching them suspiciously.

“Duchess, they're requesting your presence in the throne room. I shall accompany you there.”

Satine nodded, casting one last look at Obi-Wan.

“Goodbye, Obi-Wan. I hope to see you again.”

She knew she would, she hadn't said their last words yet. She only hoped she had the strength to handle it when she did.

-

“So you were close to her.” Anakin said, wonderingly.

“I knew her. She was my soulmate.” Obi-Wan tried to shut himself down to any questions Anakin might have, and that seemed to do the job, shutting him up with this shock as they made their way to where the Duchess waited for them.

-

Obi-Wan knew he would die to save Satine. He could think of no other reason his last words to her would simply be her name unless he had no voice to express anything else. He didn't understand how he could just say nothing but that until he saw her impaled on the Dark Saber.

The pain that ripped through him was more intense than he knew what to do with. He couldn't find the breath to speak, let alone express how he felt for her.

He could only be glad he'd told her the truth once, because, as he gasped out her name, he knew he would never find the words to tell her that again. The pressure in his chest was too great to be borne.

He held her broken body in his arms as she said the words on his wrist, and no. No this wasn't right, this wasn't how it was supposed to happen!

He was supposed to protect her. He was supposed to give his life to protect her, not be the indirect cause of her death.

As she collapsed in his arms, breathing her last, he lowered his head, placing a kiss on her hand.

He was numb to the world around him, completely in denial as to what had happened. He stayed that way all the way back to Coruscant, where he met an irate Anakin who was demanding to know what had happened to his ship.

“I'm sorry, Anakin. I- I'll pay you back tomorrow. Just- I need to brief the Council first.” Obi-Wan said dully. Anakin watched him, dread growing in the pit of his stomach.

-

“It's the only way to save your soulmate and child.” Palpatine said, and Anakin remembered. The horrible chill he'd felt emanating off Obi-Wan in the weeks after Satine’s death, the way he hadn't smiled fully for months, the way he'd had to wake Obi-Wan up from a nightmare of her death a year and a half after the fact.

And he nodded.


End file.
